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A comprehensive guide to giving well to family membersGiving is at the core of family life--and with current law allowing up to $5,120,000 in tax-free gifts, at least through December 2012, the ultra-affluent are faced with the task of giving at perhaps largest scale in history. Beyond the tax saving and wealth management implications, giving to family members opens up a slew of thorny questions, the biggest of which is, "How do I prepare recipients of such large gifts?" With that question and others in mind, Hughes, Massenzio, and Whitaker have written The Cycle of the Gift in three main parts: "The Who of Giving," "The How of Giving," and "The What and Why of Giving." The first part focuses on the people most deeply involved in family giving, especially the recipients and givers (parents, grandparents, spouses, trustees). The second part, "The How of Giving," addresses the delicate balance of givers who want to maintain some level of control and recipients who want some level of freedom in accepting and growing their gifts. The final part, "The What and Why of Giving" describes various types of gifts, from money to business interests to values and rituals. The authors also introduce their "family bank" concept as a model that combines loans, trusts, and outright gifts. It embodies a framework and set of practices for long-term family growth. Even families without great wealth--or those who have already made large gifts to their children and grandchilren--can benefit from the human wisdom and practical advice found in The Cycle of the Gift.

The Cycle of the Gift: Family Wealth and Wisdom

Preface xvAcknowledgments xixIntroduction xxvChapter 1 The Elephant in the Room 1Grandparents' Checks 2When Giving Becomes an Opportunity 4Chapter 2 The Spirit of the Gift 7Where the Spirit Leads 11The Who of GivingChapter 3 Becoming a Wise Giver 17Know Thyself 18How Much? 21Guilt and Remorse 24Nothing Too Much 26Chapter 4 Receiving Wisely 29A Bad Investment? 30The Psychological Stages of Giving 32Giving and the Work Ethic 36Not Yet 39Meteors and Resilience 41Investing in Recipients 44Chapter 5 Spouses 47Learning from Yourselves and Each Other 47Three-Step Process 48Blended Families 50Prenuptial Discussions 51Fiscal Unequals 54Chapter 6 Grandparents 57Grandparents' Great Opportunity 57Involving Parents 58Grandparents and Philanthropy 61Chapter 7 Trustees 67The Choice of Trustee 67The Type of Trustee 69The Relationship between Beneficiary and Trustee 69A Regenerative Role 74Chapter 8 Elders 77Intergenerational Dynamics 78Growing Elders 79The Work of Elders 81The How of GivingChapter 9 Control versus Freedom 87The Myth of the Free Gift 87Cui Bono? 88The Giving of Accounts 90Letting Be 92Chapter 10 Fair versus Equal, Separate versus Together 97The Balancing Act 98Pot Shots 100Flourishing 102Promises 103Chapter 11 Giving Outright, via Loans, or in Trust? 107Options 108Sharing the Spirit 108Making Loans Work 109Why Trusts? 110The Family Bank 113Form versus Function 115The What and Why of GivingChapter 12 What Families Give 121Homes 121Business Interests 125Values 131Rituals 134Reputation 136Chapter 13 The Why of Giving 141Why Not 142The Family Tree 144Giving Thanks 146About the Authors 151Index 155